On The DL

Think of "On The DL" as Page 6... but all about baseball. Read juicy blind items and let your mind ponder over which dirty major leaguer it might be. Send us your guesses and gossip! We love the baseball dirt!

Sunday, April 01, 2007

We're Back, Bitches!!!!

Spring has sprung, the new baseball season is finally upon us, and On The DL is officially back!! To make up for our extended absence, we decided to give you 4 mini blind items instead of just one. We hope you enjoy the items as well as the upcoming season. We know we will.

1. Say Cheese
Which NL left fielder apparently isn’t too fond of posing for photos? For starters, he broke a young fan’s heart by refusing to sign an autograph or take a picture with him. When the boy asked him to reconsider, he completely ignored him and walked away. Things got a bit more complicated a few weeks later at a Playboy themed event in Atlantic City. Everything was going well until the player in question’s image was accidentally snapped in the background of a photo that a man had taken of himself and one of the bunnies. This sent the player into a rage. He called for his bodyguard and demanded that the poor guy hand over his camera immediately. The man refused but was pressured into deleting the semi- incriminating photo on his digital camera while the angry player looked on. We assume he didn’t want the media or his brand new fiancée knowing about his night on the town. The funny thing is that the man he harassed was not even much of a baseball fan and did not have the slightest clue as to who the player was. Ouch! Talk about a blow to the ego.

2. Oops, He Did It Again
Which infamous baby makin’ machine is at it yet again? The most potent sperm in all of baseball recently became a proud parent for what we believe is the 4th time, although we may have missed a kiddie or two along the way...it is easy to lose count after awhile. The baby mama is a lovely lady from the California area, whom he met during a road trip toward the end of last season. Maybe he should just give up on the baseball career [it wasn’t working out all that well for him last year anyway] and look into forming a sperm donor club or something along those lines. Cheers to a never-ending supply of bottles, binkies, and bibs. Let’s just hope that the baby doesn't inherit daddy’s temper. A toddler tackling another kid on the see-saw isn’t the ideal way to spend a play date.

3. Rehab Is For Quitters
Which supposedly reformed bad boy has reportedly hit a few bumps along the road to sobriety? A source claims that the recently bulked up cutie pie was spotted feeling no pain on several occasions in bars with women who were most certainly not his wife during spring training. On the positive side, none of this seems to be having an adverse effect on his job status, as his manager seems hell bent on getting him a fulltime position with the team regardless of which veteran players might get pushed aside to make room for him. The manager is so enamored with him that he has even gone as far as to arrange photo-ops which portray his prized player as a good family man. The photo session might have gone better had the player in question been given enough time to sober up from the night before.

4.Party Of Three
Which semi-talented AL east relief pitcher recently and very awkwardly approached two barely legal ladies in a bar and had the following oh so hot conversation with them. It generally consisted of pitcher boy asking them if they "like to be in bed together" upon first meeting them. When he was met with an abrupt no, he began to chat with them about their school taking every opportunity to tell them that they went to his alma mater and that he is "a major athlete". When they finally recognize him and were still unimpressed, he proceeded to buy them drinks, leave them with his number, and make at least two more attempts to try and persuade them into having a threesome with him. Needless to say, the girls somehow managed to resist the smooth talk and prestige of hanging with this "major athlete" and left him to return to his hotel room alone sans the threesome that he so desperately wanted. Better luck next time, loser.