Knight In Shinning Armor

The person who said that all the good men are taken, clearly never met this up and coming NL Central prospect. Get ready to swoon people because it is hard to resist a winner like this. First among his many attributes is his hot body which allegedly comes complete with warts on his steroid enhanced arms and genital herpes on his less than enhanced penis. But don't worry, he's working on that "little" problem by taking Man XXXL pills in addition to his avid interest in penis enlargement surgery. Besides being a sexy hunk of man; he is also highly ambitious. His main goal in life, other than making it to the pro level is to play a villain in a horror movie. In fact, he somehow manages to incorporate his future career goals into his romantic bedside manner as he has been known to gently wake his lady in the middle of the night to whisper sweet nothings like "its okay honey.. mommy's not dead.. that's just paint..." into her ear. Another classic line of his is this little gem that he once said to a former flame while taking a romantic walk..."you know, I could throw you off the balcony. You would die and everyone would think it was an accident." Add in mama's boy and cheapskate on top of everything else and you have a recipe for true love. Get him while you can. A guy this yummy won't be on the market for long.

Gimme an F!

Which purportedly "clean" AL West hurler is driven to and from the ballpark (both home and on the road) by his rightfully smoldering wife?

Well, it seems at many parks, concessions stands are operated by volunteer groups - churches, school groups, charities and such - in order to raise money for their various organizations. When one NL West park allowed a group of high school cheerleaders raise money for their many trips, this certain titan of the ball field decided he'd love to make his own donation - not once, but in multiple seasons.

When the previous year's squad heard that one of the subsequent pom-pom shakers had bedded the pitcher whenever he was in town, they all shared their experiences and no less than three of the sweater-clad jail bait had done the splits with the veteran hurler.

Now it didn't take long for the girls to start calling the pitcher on this (each one thought she was "special," and the reveal left them all hurt and angry) and Mrs. Pitcher soon was made aware of her hubby's school spirit. She knew that her man wasn't an angel (that ship had already sailed) but when she learned that his indiscrections were of the illegal (and immoral) kind, she put her foot down.

Now he travels to and from his work accompanied at all times by his better half, except such times that the team bus transports the players to and from an airport.

No doubt, followed closely by a very suspicious wife.